Why Do People Walk Away From You When You Fail?


Why Do People Walk Away From You When You Fail?

It started with a comment that made me angry— an insult toward someone who failed. Why do we do that? Friday’s Digest #106

Table of contents

  1. Preface
  2. Main Article
  3. Readers’ Favorite
  4. Stuff


Preface

As you might know, I have a YouTube channel.

My videos focus on being productive as a doctor and a scientist, and test-taking strategies for students.

Some of my videos are about the USMLE—a series of exams required to obtain an American MD license.

In one video, I share my experience of failing the USMLE on my first try.

I won't dive into all the details here (you can read my failure story here or watch the video here), but I want to share an incident that happened this week in the comments section.

A viewer wrote about how difficult the exam was and asked for my advice.

Now, a little bit of background here:

My video is one of the ONLY places ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET that people feel comfortable sharing their USMLE failures.

I know that because when I looked for such a place myself, I could hardly find any.

Anyway, a commenter told this viewer that the USMLE is not difficult. This commenter added that 93% of American medical students pass it on the first try.

Now, this is the last thing that poor viewer needs to hear. That they are not smart like 93% of the medical students.

This comment made me angry—not because it was directed at me, but because it dismissed the struggles of the person who found the exam difficult.

And this is the reply that I wanted to write:

While 93% of medical students pass on their first attempt, people like me don't have the luxury of dedicating two years solely to USMLE preparation.

I took this exam IN ADDITION to my own country's medical tests (which I passed on the first try) and had only 4 WEEKS to study for it.

And as someone who speaks three languages and has passed board exams in two, (with a bit of preparation, I believe I can pass in the third) I find it hard to believe that the commenter could do the same.

On top of all that, I would rather be treated by a doctor who learned to overcome failures than a doctor who wouldn't know what to do when failing for the first time.

Well, I didn’t write that 😂.

I wrote something that will lift the spirit of the people who struggle with this test, while not insulting the immature commenter.

Very not satisfying 😀.

This brings me to today's newsletter:

Why do people distance themselves from those who fail?

Why is failure considered so toxic?

Number 106!


Main Article

I have failed many times in my life. Some failures were small, others were enormous.

But one of the things I found most difficult was that some people walked away from me when I failed.

When I was younger, it bothered me. It made me feel like an outcast.

It made me want to hide my failures from others, fearing they would distance themselves from me.

I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know why people distance themselves from those who fail. But I do know that almost everyone fails. And they all learn something along the way.

Lessons that can help others.

I'm not just talking about emotional support (although that's valuable too).

I'm talking about helping people overcome failure by providing them with tools for future success. Tools others learned the hard way.

When I studied for the USMLE, I was under impossible conditions. As I failed practice tests over and over again, I searched online for solutions.

I couldn't find any advice for people in my situation.

Not a single one!

So there I was, sitting in the dark. It was 2 AM, and everyone was asleep. I’m browsing the internet for answers. And Nothing.

I then vowed.

After I pass this #%!* test, I will help others avoid failing it.

I promised to make my failure story public, whatever the consequences may be.

And that's precisely what I did.

On YouTube, in this Newsletter, and on Social Media.

I made my failure stories as public as I could.

With over 10,000 people watching my failure story on YouTube, and a couple of thousand reading it on my newsletter, that’s a good start.

Yet, when I look for failure stories in conversations or online, I can hardly find any.

Probably because, as humans, we still perceive failure as toxic.

That should change.


For The Soul

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
— Winston Churchill

Resurfaced using Readwise.


Readers’ Favorite

Issue #20- My failure story: “How I Failed …and Wouldn't Change a Thing”.

Issue #28- When I was 11, one movie changed how I perceived fear: This is how I dealt with fear ever since.

Issue #47- This is what I do after every time I fail: “Turning Failure into Fuel”.


Stuff

📱Application I use - Brain-fm

Sometimes, you need to sit down and focus. You finally find the time, you sit in front of your computer, and…

You can't get into the zone.

In situations like this, putting on my headphones and listening to music really helps me. The problem is that I often find the music itself distracting.

This is where Brain-fm comes in. For some reason, their music helps me focus—even when I'm tired.

You can try it by starting a trial on their website, or simply listen to their playlist on Spotify, Apple Music, or YouTube.


Epilogue

If you received this newsletter from a friend and would like to join Friday's Digest, visit https://newsletter.shaysharon.com

That’s it for this issue.

Hope for better times.

Shay



Want to learn more from me?

Online Presence Course for Doctors & Scientists:

  • How to build your own website
  • Social Media 101 (Fundamentals)
  • How to start your own newsletter
  • YouTube 101 (Fundamentals)
  • How to start your own podcast
  • Gear and apps I use for online presence
  • Q&A

Tip Sheets:

  • My Workflow for Reading & Writing Manuscripts
  • Future Fellows & Postdocs
  • The PhD Journey
  • How To Write an Abstract in 10 Minutes
  • How to Study for the TOEFL

Video Guides:

  • Manage References with a SINGLE CLICK
  • My Workflow for Reading & Writing Manuscripts
  • How to Write an Abstract in 10 Minutes
  • Make PubMed Work For You
  • How I Use Anki Flashcards
  • How I Studied for the USMLE
  • How I Studied for the TOEFL
  • What's in My Bag
  • Clinical Photography - The Complete Guide

7-Day Email Courses:

  • Your Guide to Fellowship
  • How to Survive Residency
  • The Scientist's Handbook
  • How to Start a New Job
  • Your Guide to Dental School

113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205
Unsubscribe · Change your email address

Friday's Digest - The Newsletter for Doctors & Scientists

For two decades, I've been developing tools that have improved my practice in medicine, dentistry, and scientific research. Join me every Friday to discover a new tool you can integrate into your workflow as a doctor, a scientist, or both. I believe in sharing knowledge, embracing automation, boosting productivity, and finding joy in the process.

Read more from Friday's Digest - The Newsletter for Doctors & Scientists

Which One is Best, an iPad or a Laptop? Doctors and scientists often consider giving away their laptop for a tablet. Can you trust it to become your daily driver? Friday’s Digest #122 Table of contents Life Update Tools and Tips Life Update I'm exhausted. This week, we finally moved into our new place, but the days leading up to it were absolutely draining. Between getting sick, lack of sleep, and an exceptionally long surgery (which only made the sleep deprivation worse), everything piled...

How I Lost 5 kg (and Why I Won't Gain It Back) It took me 5 months to lose 5 kg, but it was surprisingly easy. And I have no problem maintaining this weight. Here's how. Friday’s Digest #121 Table of contents Life Update Tools and Tips Readers’ Favorite Stuff Life Update A quick apartment-moving update: We're behind schedule with only 6 days left. Life is just too busy. My original plan was to move some of the stuff on my own over two weeks, but that hasn't worked out as planned. I will have...

The 2 Best Advice That Got Me Into My Dream Job (+ Ronin X6 Headlight Review) "What do you think I should do to get accepted?" Today, I'll share two pieces of advice from my 20 years of training experience. Friday’s Digest #120 Table of contents Life Update Tools and Tips Readers’ Favorite Stuff Life Update This week, our apartment move shifted into high gear. The official move is in 13 days, but I plan to transport many items myself beforehand. Why on my own? Because when I move things...